Saturday, May 31, 2014
Dear Jessica Biel....
I know that you will never read this but I felt it was a very deserving post to write in your honour. I would also like to say that for the record, I very rarely dedicate posts to anyone so by just knowing that, one must understand that this is a pretty big deal. So Jessica Biel, I dedicate about 2% of this post to you and the other 98% to your ass.
I do not mean to sound crass because I have the utmost respect for the full 100% of you, so please let me explain.
Many years ago when I was just starting to learn about my love of fitness, there is that struggle that everyone goes through when you're just starting to build up your stamina. You grunt and groan and sweat like a fiend, never feeling like you're getting anywhere. I remember jogging on the treadmill, barely able to jog longer than a couple minutes at a time and in my head I would repeat, "Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!" meanwhile maintaining an internal giggle at the stupidity of my inner mantra. But it kept me jogging and soon I could go longer and I just kept pushing myself to last another 1, 2 or 5 minutes. I just kept swimming.
Then a few years ago I saw a movie called "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" and my mantra took a dramatic turn. There is a scene in the film in which you strip down to just your bra and underwear and the audience gets several good looks at your physique. Obviously you're friggin' gorgeous in every sense of the word, but your ass is what changed it all for me.
I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful province full of hills and mountains, all of them just waiting for me to conquer. Every time that I am walking, hiking, jogging or biking up any kind of hill or mountain trail, my inner mantra is (and has been for the past 7 years),
"Jessica Biel's ass. Jessica Biel's ass."
Every uphill battle is my time to work and strive for a butt that even slightly resembles the one that you are carrying around with you. Every time I stand there on the trail, my hands on my hips and my laboured breathing nearly drowning out my will to keep going, I just think,
"Jessica Biel's ass"
and I am always able to work up the energy to run that hill and continue my journey along the well worn trail.
Now I am absolutely not some crazy fan or a fitness fiend who obsesses about having the perfect body. I am not striving for skinny or perfection and I know that I will never grace the cover of any kind of magazine. Hell, I only just got the courage to wear a bikini in public last year! I also know that I will never have a butt as nice as yours because, well, genetics wasn't as kind to me from the get-go. I also know that you work hard to look the way that you do and that ass was not a mistake. I applaud you for making the decision to take care of yourself and for being a fantastic role models for girls and women around the world. You're not a bean pole or frighteningly scrawny female trying to fill out her size 0 jeans. You're strong and healthy and have curves to be proud of.
So I thank you for being a lovely curvy role-model and to have an ass that other people (at least 1 person) strives to have someday. Keep up the good work and I will keep trying to get there too.