Heart Health

For the shifts that I work on the weekends, myself and one of the Diet Clerks have to walk around to every ward in the hospital (she takes the north end while I take the south) to collect the diet reports of all of the patients. The thing with this system is that I get to walk through all of the "heart health" wings, meaning people who have conditions relating to their heart are in those areas. I never thought much of it at first, probably because I was training and just trying to remember everything rather than really take to heart where I was. It's pretty easy to get turned around in that hospital some days so my main concentration was going to hallways and points of interest to point me in the right direction.

A year and a half ago, on August 18th, my dad had heart surgery in the hospital I now work in, and even though the surgery went great and all is well and good, it was a hard time for me. My dad is...my dad! He's basically the most important person in my life and while he was having open heart surgery, I was in PEI trying to not think about what was happening in that operating room in Victoria, BC. But nonetheless, I was watching every minute tick by on the clock, just waiting to get a phone call from my mom to tell me the outcome of his surgery. It was torturous being so far away from my family during such a time in our lives.

But now, whenever I am walking through CCU/CVU/CSS of the hospital, I see the people in the hospital beds and think about my dad being in one of those beds, all hooked up to tubes and hoses with nurses poking and proding him. And then I see the families sitting in the waiting rooms, all waiting to hear about their loved ones or visiting a loved one who has been at the hospital for a lengthy stay, and I think about my family doing the same thing once upon a time. And then I get emotional. As soon as I arrive on the 3rd floor and start to wander through the halls to grab my papers, my throat gets all tight and I feel this huge sense of empathy for everyone connected to the wards. I can't imagine what kind of state I would have been had I been there for the actual surgery (probably laying in the corner of the waiting room in the fetal position) considering how I have been reacting just walking through the halls a year and a half later.

I feel a little crazy admitting this whole situation, but I guess I just find this emotional and physical reaction really interesting considering the circumstance. It's just a constant reminder that just when we think we have our emotions in check, they can come bubbling out at any time without a moment's notice.