Tuesday, November 5, 2013

It's That Time Again

It’s that time of year again. The time of year that I try to block from my mind until it eventually creeps up and I have to face the calendar and accept what is before me. That special time of year in which all women are cringing and all razor companies take a major hit in sales.

Yep, it’s Movember. The unsexiest month of the year.

I can truly appreciate that men are all coming together to express their support towards the awareness and fight against prostate and testicular cancer...but isn’t there a better way to do it? Let’s face the facts here people. About 99.6% of the male population cannot pull off a moustache without looking like a pedophile or police officer from an 80’s movie. Plus there are an alarming number of men who simply cannot grow a decent moustache and end up having just patches of creepy fuzz on their upper lip, causing a look of prepubescent awkwardness. Wasn’t puberty bad enough for them that they wish not relive those feelings of physical discomfort? 

And for the record, yes, there are some really, really sexy guys out there sporting moustaches. One of them might even work at a local Costco store (says a certain friend of mine who shall remain unnamed...and I agree with her). 

This isn't him...but we appreciate Tom Selleck. 

I have come up with a theory that I plan to follow up on. It’s called the Movember Baby Theory and in this theory, I am going to suspect that the number of babies born in the months of August and September are going to and have already increased dramatically due to the up rise of Movember moustaches hitting the streets. My bets are that there is less sex happening during this month and that the number of women’s headaches and strangely lengthy periods are oddly increasing. But by the time December comes around and those moustaches are washed down the bathroom drain, the ladies will be happy again. Hence, late summer/early autumn babies!

In my mind I think that the best way to approach Movember that proves that you are not just some creepy dude with a stache, is to do a fairly unconventional moustache. This approach helps to show that the moustache is for the month and not a full-time feature on your face. For example, the handlebar moustache. Most dudes don’t have one of these so most people seeing it will think, “Ah yes. That must be for Movember.” Or pair the moustache with some sweet mutton chops. Go overboard with it guys. The last thing you want is some hot chick to wonder if your creepy wisp of thin hair on your upper lip is a permanent accessory on your face.

Now I fully support the fight against prostate and testicular cancer. These are scary diseases and the fact that they target younger men (specifically testicular) is alarming because most younger men are not going to be checking themselves or placing themselves in a category that worries about cancer. If wearing a moustache for a month is going to remind these men to go home and "check themselves”, then that’s awesome! Please guys, don't overlook the central meaning behind the moustache to just do something that society is really promoting as being “cool” or “trendy”. Go home and check yourself or go to your doctor and ask to be examined and tested. 

In the lunch room today I saw a notice on the bulletin board that restored my faith in the message behind Movember. They’re calling forward men who work for the hospital to register online, grow the famous moustache trademark and get donations from friends, family, coworkers or anyone who understands the story of the moustache. Raising money for awareness and finding the cure of the key to all of this and I for one will support anyone who comes my way asking to help fight prostate and testicular cancer.

And if anyone needs any help learning how to grow a proper moustache, here is a 2 minute instructional video from Nick Offerman. Enjoy!

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