I think that I should narrow down what I mean before every mother on the planet stands up and shouts at me in defense. Babies are fine; for other people. I am quite certain that I am missing the "mom gene" because I have never, not for one moment in my entire existence, have had the desire to produce a child. Many of my friends have one or several kids already and that is totally cool. I love their kids and am incredibly pleased that they are happy being moms. I love visiting and playing with kids, but I also love that at the end of the day that they are not going home with me. Yeah I know this is an asshole thing to confess, but I can't help the way that I feel about this!
I was reading that there may actually be a gene that is passed from father to child which will gives the daughter the natural maternal instinct that she needs to be a good mother…perhaps my dad skipped out on me there because both of my sisters obviously have it. I mean, there is a maternal instinct about me but it seems to be a bit more toned down. I’m the cool calm and collective adult who says things like, “oh she’ll be fine,” or, “let him figure it out by himself”, or even, “she’ll learn it’s sharp in a second or two” (just kidding about the last one there). I’m not a huge worrier like a lot of females out there and I think that doesn’t work in my favour when it comes to raising children. I could just picture my kids running around the neighbourhood, naked and screaming while throwing water balloons at each other. Not a pretty sight. On the other hand though, I’d always be the bad-cop when it came to discipline because I’m a bit of a hard ass. I already feel sorry for my husband.
Two days ago I was playing with my adorable little 2 year old niece and my sister (her mom) said, "Isn't she adorable? Can't you just not wait to have your own?" and I just kind of sneered and shook my head. Then she went on saying how amazing it is to have kids and that I will feel differently when I have one for myself...and I think I had to swallow back a little bit of barf that backed up into my mouth. Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I want to procreate and have a little person that I will love more than anything else and will go to the end of the world for? I guess I just don't understand the desire to stretch out one’s body to have this little crying/barfing/pooping/snotting person who needs you 24/7, makes you incontinent and counts on you for its survival. Why would I want to be sleep deprived for the rest of my life? I am glad that other people want to have kids because we obviously need them to repopulate the earth and carry on our civilization, and I am genuinely ecstatic whenever someone tells me that they're going to have a baby. I am also very thankful that it is not me.
Yes, I am selfish and I am very much aware of this, but at least I can admit it. I like having "me" time and I like being able to come and go as I please without having to worry about another person to take care of. I can barely take care of myself most of the time. Maybe there will come a time in my life where I will all of a sudden have this burning desire to have children…but it hasn’t happened yet and I’m not holding my breath since I don’t get all weepy and gooey over babies and even though I am madly in love with other people’s kids, I still don’t want one for myself.
Maybe I just don’t have the desire to physically have a child. I think that I could most probably adopt one and be happy with that situation, but peeing my pants every time that I laugh just does not appeal to me. I figure that there are so many children in this world that need people to love them, and I would never want to add another child to earth unless it was 100% wanted. Think of all the children who need families already; maybe one day I can be a family to a little boy or girl when I am good and ready…but I’m in no rush.
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