Wednesday, December 21, 2011

To Tree or Not To Tree?

It's the 21st of December and most people who are planning on having a Christmas tree have had theirs up now for weeks. I had no desire or intention on getting a tree this year, mostly due to the lack of spirit in my heart, the fact that I have been working so much and haven't had the time or energy to get and decorate a tree, plus that I own only one Christmas tree decoration (which my mom surprisingly sent me in the mail!) But Chris wants a tree. Even though I told him that I didn't really want to have anything to do with it and it's too late to get one, he took it upon himself to go out and get a tree. I was in the worst of worst moods yesterday so Chris reassured me that this tree would be his undertaking and that I didn't have to do anything. So. This poor tree that sacrificed its life for a few days of enjoyment has now been sitting in the living room for 2 days without an ornament or light to call its own and Chris has been too busy himself to have a minute to decorate it.

I have 2 choices.

1) I can be the stubborn jerk that I tend to be in situations like this and just sit back and stare at the tree while holding anger in my heart knowing that this poor thing is going to die through no fault of my own. I said I wouldn't be a part of it and stick to my guns and be an asshole and just not do anything.

2) Get over myself, suck it up and start decorating the tree. I am angry that he got such a big tree because we just flat out don't have any ornaments to even begin to cover this thing. But I should honour the life of the tree and give it a few days of Christmas love, even if it's sparsely decorated and laughable to look at. I know that I will get up in a few minutes and start decorating it.

I hate being so stubborn and I wish I could turn off my stubbornness a lot more often than I seem to be able to. I know that I am blowing this way out of proportion and the whole thing is just stupid stupid stupid and I feel shame for admitting to my pettiness. Chris is just excited about the holiday and wants to do festive things and it's not his fault that I can't fully shake my Christmas funk. I just feel like a parent who's kid wants a dog and promised they'd look after the dog and take it for walks 3 times a day, only to be the one stuck walking the dog in the pouring rain and cleaning up the poop. I'd muchly prefer a dog though.

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