Thursday, August 19, 2010

Silly Search and Rescue

Today is a day that I am truly humiliated to be me. Why do you ask? Well for one thing. I am crouched on a chair afraid to put my feet on the floor as I type this. That's one place to start I suppose.

I was washing some dishes when I noticed that Splash was laying on the carpet, about 5 feet away from her bed. I asked her to go on her bed about four times before she finally listened and lumbered over there. She seemed really nervous for some reason but grudgingly sat down on her bed. As I reached down to place something into the freezer (we have a fridge on top, freezer on bottom) the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life crawled out from the corner of Splash's bed, then tucked underneath the fridge and scared the living shit out of me. The worst part of it all is that I am home alone and sitting in the fetal position on a chair wondering how to deal with this situation. Splash is sitting here beside me and keeps looking up at me with a worried look on her face as she nudges my arm. Plan A: Call Chris and have him come to my rescue. If he doesn't answer his phone, Plan B: Run to Amy's house and hide there. If Amy is sound asleep and doesn't answer the door, plan C: Call the National Guard. Luckily Chris picked up his phone and is on the way over! I didn't tell him what was going on, only that I needed him to come home for a few minutes and it's too embarrassing to say why...but I need help now!

Now I am sitting on my bed with the most horrible heeby-jeebies I have ever had in my life, with my cupcakes burning in the oven and my boyfriend trying to figure out how to find this thing. Did I mention it's 11:30 at night? He has moved the dog's bed and the fridge and it is no where to be seen. How am I supposed to sleep tonight knowing that this thing is in the house, lurking behind any corner or under any surface. I feel so impotent and useless at the moment. Chris keeps tossing suggestions at me for the best way to attack this situation and every time he mentions me having to help (aka, get off of this bed), my face twists into a contorted position that one would assume I am being tortured. Why did I have to see that thing? I was living in blissful ignorance of it's presence in the house and would have been more than happy not knowing it was living in the house. (As I shudder violently.)'s dead. Chris has guts on the bottom of his shoe. Why do I have to be such a girl sometimes. This makes me feel so incompetent as a human being and totally silly as a female. I had to call my boyfriend from the job he's doing to come and kill a spider for me. What have I become? Yes I know it's just a stupid bug (sorry, arachnid) and it can't hurt me, but there's just something about certain spiders that freak me out! Honestly though, this thing was really big. It could have eaten my foot if I had not been careful.

This was probably the most bizarre blog I have ever written. A play-by-play of the search and destroy of a giant house spider. At least writing this kept my brain busy while my body went into fight or flight mode.

Yes, I am still sitting on the bed.

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