Monday, March 21, 2011

Second Time and Second Thoughts

I have no excuse from my one week hiatus from this blog other than just not feeling like myself lately. Plus I've had a really sore back so sitting in front of a computer long enough to write a post hasn't been high on the priority list.

Why haven't I been feeling like myself? Well, another big fat letter rejecting me from an internship program is good for deflating one's ego and sense of self-worth. I feel pretty selfish feeling so sorry for myself the past week when there's so many horrible events happening to people all over the world right now. It's just hard to find meaning in spending 4 years in university and going into great debt only to come out with...what? A piece of paper saying I survived 40 classes? The thought of waiting another year to try again to apply for an internship is just painful. Physically painful. I think the thing about this whole ordeal is that I am losing sight on what's important and I'm second guessing everything that I thought I wanted and wanted to become. It's hard to believe that I'm good enough to succeed in this field when the Nutrition community rejects what I have to offer it. Frustration is at an all-time high. Like I said, it's hard on the ego and the confidence. But I feel better today than I have all week so hopefully things are looking up!

Moving on from the sadness and humiliation which has become my life the past year, it's time to talk about happy things. I finally got a picture of my new tattoo to show the world and have posted it here for the world to see. I'm not a huge fan of the angle that the picture was taken because my arms were folded which made my shoulder stick out excessively so the body looks huge and the tail looks tiny which is not how it actually looks. But you get the idea. It's big and colourful and it makes me happy.

Only two more weeks of classes left. I am....almost without words about this. Four years of the same life is coming to an end and it's incredible to think that the 4 years has actually ended. I think about when I began this degree and thought about how 2011 will never come and how I'll be so old when I finish. And now it's 2011 and yes, I'm old. It went by quickly, that's for sure. I can't imagine how I'm going to be able to concentrate on assignments and exams the next couple weeks when all I can think about is how excited I am for my family to come to the island. I sit for very long periods of time and just think about how I am going to narrow down which restaurants to take them to. For some reason that just seems more important than homework at the moment.

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